I spoke too soon...

Just as I thought I was getting the hang of my medication I had a rough day. I was super excited this morning to share with everyone how well things have been going and then didn't do so well today. I got up this morning around 8 am (which is when I last posted), had my breakfast and took my Adderall. I was feeling pretty great all day. Sean and I went for a walk with the doggies around two and we got to explore the area.

When we got back I was feeling ok and didn't want to take the Adderall right away again. I try and hold off on taking the medications until I really need it because then I can have more of my day awake instead of feeling so exhausted so early in the night. So Sean and I sat down on the couch and next thing you know I've slept four hours and its 8 pm. Is it the end of the world.. no. Is it incredibly frustrating to lose four hours of your day to sleep when you'd rather be active and doing things...yes.

It just seems that I spend my days planning when to take my medication and when to take a nap and when to go to sleep and when to wake up, and how I am going to drive from point A to point B without becoming exhausted, that its become such a burden in my life. I feel like I'm restricted now and no longer get to hold on to the spontaneity of life that I used to enjoy. I'm trying not to get too down when dealing with the narcolepsy but today I felt that I had a step back in the wrong direction. I'm doing my best to forge ahead but days when I just don't feel "normal", its hard. I know tomorrow I will be more attentive to timing my medication so I don't fall asleep and I know that I'm not dying and this isn't the worst thing to be dealing with, but a good friend once told me, "Just because you don't have the worst, life threatening disease and just because you don't have the worst possible thing going on in your life, doesn't mean it isn't hard for YOU".  I really think that is an important concept to hold on to because we are all entitled to feel depressed or frustrated or angry or sad about things going on in our life, regardless of the severity in comparison to others. So for the rest of the night tonight I think I am going to let myself be upset that I have narcolepsy, and tomorrow I will pick up with a positive attitude once again.